every smooth guitar pick,
Every balcony,
Every splintered bench,
Every hum of a colliding wave,
is you.
I feel that night with my fingertips.
You,
the soothing sense that made me believe.
The boy with the hummingbird voice and the gentle hands means,
Truth.
And I keep your love in the back pocket of my
Favorite
Blue
Jeans.
Someone, love,
Is there.
The girl back home will never understand,
you said. And this
is goodbye.
how
was the repetition in my fractured voice.
My tounge,
My teeth,
My lips:
Intertwined and said goodbye.
That sweet, sweet
whisper of
I LOVE YOU,
Will never be enough.
I reach into the back pocket of my
favorite
blue
jeans. And so,
I remember you.
For me.
For a reflection in a love.
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6 comments:
I love the line "Hummingbird Voice" It's a great unique way to say it! And even more so, the back pocket. That line is just so cute! I enjoy full circle endings.
The only thing is that it comes up again too soon, maybe you want to add a little bit more to it. Maybe more descriptive words?
Fractured voice, it sounds so good.Its a great way to describe a voice, fractured.
oh lady, this is beautiful.
your images are spectacular.
oh and the title.
I like
a lot.
:)
ok. so. i love this whole poem. my favorite stanza had to be the one about your favorite blue jeans. i love the imagery and the line break you used. you have a really good sense of them and they are very effective how you use them. so good job. its wonderful as always. :)
i absolutely love the first stanza. especially the image of a splintered bench... my favorite, uh! the only suggestion i have is condensing the favorite blue jeans line. i understand why you're trying to slow down the line but the syllables seem so odd apart. so maybe:
favorite
blue jeans.
hmm. whatever you want girlie! this poem is adorable times ten!
FIVE GOLD STARS. :]]
well first of all i want to say how happy you always make me as well..thats why i wrote you the poem because even on your worst day you wear a smile that could make ice melt. I'm glad you liked it and it makes you happy.
now about this splendid poem! I can really tell that this person has a big affect on your life. Thats a good thing to write about people that mean something whether it be good or bad! I love "fractured voice" and the first stanza is amazing!
your friend,
stace
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